Gaslighting: Is It Really Your Fault, or Are You Being Manipulated?
Recognizing Gaslighting and the Behaviors Behind It
During an argument, you might hear phrases like:
“It’s such a small thing, don’t make it into a big deal.”
“You couldn’t survive without me — you’re just not capable enough.”
These kinds of statements might seem like an ordinary part of a disagreement between two people, since each side naturally has their own thoughts and perspective, and disagreements often bring out comments like these.
Understanding Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a pattern of behavior aimed at making someone doubt and question their own thoughts and memories — even making them doubt whether they’re actually okay. In reality, though, it’s often just a way for one person to gain power over the other and shift blame onto them, making the other person look like they simply “misunderstood.” But when these comments happen repeatedly, happen every day, and aren’t grounded in reality — to the point where the listener starts losing confidence and losing their sense of self — this behavior crosses into deception, an attempt to control the other person. This is what’s known as gaslighting, or what’s sometimes called being a “manipulator” or a “controller” in everyday language.
What Does Gaslighting Actually Look Like? Here Are Some Common Behaviors:
- “I never said that”: These people may say something, but when confronted about it later, they’ll insist, “I never said that, you’re imagining it.”
- “Aren’t you overreacting?”: They tell you to calm down and frame you as the one who’s overthinking, too anxious, too angry, or too dramatic — until you start to believe you really are the unreasonable one, or start questioning whether you even had the right to be upset in the first place.
- Changing the subject: Sometimes, when you bring up something they did, they’ll deflect and argue about something else entirely, subtly shifting the conversation so the fight never resolves — because it keeps drifting off-topic, with nothing actually addressed, and attention redirected elsewhere.
- Finding a way to blame you: No matter what the argument is about, they’ll find a way to make it your fault — blaming you for their own bad behavior, saying things like “I only did this because you did that.”
- Refusing to take responsibility: They won’t admit to doing anything wrong and won’t take responsibility for it, leaving the other person feeling dismissed, as if their frustration doesn’t matter at all.
These behaviors are all forms of gaslighting, and there are many more — lying, using sweet talk to make you believe something false, distorting the truth, and so on. It’s worth paying close attention to a person’s behavior, as well as your own feelings, in order to find ways to respond and protect yourself.
How to Recognize When You’re Being Gaslit
- You start doubting your own feelings about what you’ve experienced
- You’re afraid to express yourself — your feelings or your opinions — because you’ve learned that speaking up will only make you look bad in the end
- You feel weak, insecure, and worthless; your self-esteem declines
- You feel powerless and isolated
- You start doubting yourself, wondering if what that person says about you is actually true — that you’re not good enough, not smart enough, or that your thoughts are strange compared to everyone else’s
- You feel confused about what’s happening and confused by that person’s behavior
- You find yourself constantly apologizing, believing everything that goes wrong is your fault
As you can see, ordinary-sounding phrases that anyone might say can actually cause serious psychological harm, undermining self-esteem and eroding a person’s sense of self-worth.
“Don’t let someone else’s words diminish your own value.”
Gaslighting can have serious consequences for the person experiencing it — confusion, self-doubt, and a loss of self-confidence. In some cases, it can progress into depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions.
If you suspect you’re being gaslit, you should reach out to friends, family, or a mental health professional for support. It’s important to remember you’re not alone, and there are people who understand and can help.
Day One Rehabilitation Center has an experienced team of specialists providing counseling and treatment for a wide range of mental health conditions, including counseling, psychiatric treatment, and medication, tailored to the severity of each person’s condition and their individual needs.
For more information, please contact us at:
99/1 Moo 6, Si Chula, Mueang Nakhon Nayok, Nakhon Nayok 26000, Thailand
+66 64-645-5091 [email protected]
Mon – Sun: 9:00 AM – 5:00 PM (ICT)